These made me chuckle

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

--

---

Check out the other blogs I contribute:Surrey Property Articles | Roofers in Windsor | Visual Merchandising | Timber Sash Windows | Online Marketing

Surrey

Positioned in England’s South East corner, just outside of London, is Surrey. Historic villages and bustling towns surrounded by stunning scenery and rolling countryside. It is the perfect place for a day trip or a leisurely weekend break away.  With an abundance of restaurants and pubs and an extensive variety of things to do and places to see, means that there will be something to suit all ages.

Walking and cycling around the quiet country lanes and bridleways is a delightful way to explore the stunning countryside and take in the spectacular views.

If you prefer to explore some of Surrey’s history, Loseley Park is a stately home situated just outside of Guildford, Surrey, near Compton. A historical home which has remained relatively unchanged since it was built in 1562 and is still the home of the More-Molyneux family.

Loseley Park, Surrey is a splendid place to visit to wander around the beautifully kept grounds and house, capturing the stunning views towards the North Downs.  Loseley Park is also an extremely popular location, with films such as Sense and Sensibility being filmed there, and offers a welcoming and fascinating venue for civil weddings and corporate functions.

Also nestled in the Surrey Hills surrounded by breathtaking landscape is Dunsfold Park, just 9 miles South of Guildford and 40 miles from London. Dunsfold Park is home to Dunsfold Aerodrome, providing a range of aviation services from flight testing, maintenance and repairs, to apron parking and hangarage.  Each year the aerodrome hosts its own ‘Wings and Wheels’ airshow, attracting over 32,000 spectators. It is also used as a film location due to it being an operational airfield and it having the only 747 in Europe accessible solely for filming.

Not only an airfield, but Dunsfold Park in Surrey is also a thriving business park offering units to small businesses right up to large warehouses. Over 100 companies are based  here, including some large multi-national companies.

--

---

Check out the other blogs I contribute:Surrey Property Articles | Roofers in Surrey | Visual Merchandising | Timber Sash Windows | Online Marketing

Office Fit Out

In this economic downturn, businesses can never be too really cautious with the office space planning. Here I would like to analyse all areas of office fit out process. but this is undeniably a big subject, ranging from commercial refitting to space appraisal. Thus, to keep the article brief, I have only analyzed the alternatives on offer to deal with the increased space requirements. I plan to cover the other aspects of office refurbishment in forthcoming ezines.

What options do you have when you run out of office space? Office Fit Out or Office relocation?

Firms generally need more room because of additional headcount or headcount and stock. Large proportion businesses are unable to afford expanding their offices. These businesses prefer to consider the current workspace audit as well as replanning. This option tend to be inexpensive. And, these businesses would defend that relocating isn't necessary. There are many methods of reaching desired results, such as better partitioning and moving walls.

Nevertheless if your company is part of the lucky few that can afford and your additional office needs are significant, then the new building appraisal is going to be a realistic alternative for your business. Relocation is the perfect opportunity to incorporate improvement to your firm.

The new building appraisal would have the following tasks:

• space audit: forecasting the space requirements in detail
• headcount audit: planning the office bound workforce
• new building appraisal: shortlisting potential office candidates for Regulatory Aspects and accessibility

Please do not lose sight of the future requirements too. This will not only help your business save money but also will help focus your alternatives.

In addition, whichever alternative your business choose, your business must think of a professional commercial refurbishment contractor. The commercial refurbishment contractor would project manage all aspects of the work as a single point of contact. This would allow your business

• to pass any hassle onto the contractors
• to make sure that every stage is on time, on budget and to a high standard of workmanship.

letting you concentrate on your day to day business.

Do consider one of the best best office refurbishment contractors, what ever you do.

--

---

Check out the other blogs I contribute:Surrey Property Articles | Roofers in Windsor | Visual Merchandising | Timber Sash Windows | Online Marketing

On-page items becoming more important

A recent change on Timber Sash Windows front page text has dropped it about 6-7 places in SERPs, which is the really amazing proof of how important these the on-page optimisation is.

Other examples of the design and the content impacting the SERPs are the VM visual merchandising and office fit out.

What's also interesting is Google's SERP excerpts pointing out which words it's picking up from the specific pages.

And dozens of new BLs don't seem to make up for the lack of on-site factors any more.

--

---

Check out the other blogs I contribute:Surrey Property Articles | Roofers in Windsor | Visual Merchandising | Timber Sash Windows | Online Marketing

Youtube and Netflix vs Airplay

Following from my recent rants about the Google Music, and how strong Apple Airplay is, it is really encouraging to see that Youtube and Netflix decided to take on the challenge.

Yesterday, there is a really good post on the details and the technical specifications (uPnP, DLNA, etc etc) about this.

But as a user it is brilliant news that the key players are showing a key interest in making life easier for us all.

I firmly believe that the more competition there is the better tools and utilities we will get.
--

---

Check out the other blogs I contribute:Surrey Property Articles | Roofers in Windsor | Online Marketing

Google Play music sucks

I have never been so disappointed with the Google Music stuff recently. It's discussed as a serious alternative to Apple's iTunes but I don't think it is anywhere near good enough.

It does not easily snychronise across mobile devices as it requires a PC in the loop.

I would mark this as a 3 out of 10.

What also amazed me with Apple is the AirPlay function that I discovered through my Amp. And, how easily  an iPhone seems to pick it up.

Yet, I had to spend a whole day trying to hook up my Android device to it so that I can play the music through the surround sound (bit like Sonos wireless utility).

--

---

Check out the other blogs I contribute:Surrey Property Articles | Roofers in Windsor | Online Marketing

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

With Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock.

But the real star is the little actor named, Thomas Horn.

It is an incredibly well written story around 9/11 but actually it is an emotional one about a little boy trying to cope with his father's death.

I really loved the story even though it drags on at times about the kid's obsessive compulsive habits.

By the way, Max von Sydow is incredible in it as well.